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Daddy's Boy

Phew! The way things are going I didn't think I would ever get to write in here again. Seems like there has been a lot of drama in my life as of late and gosh darn it, I'm gonna vent and talk about the good things.

1. How long must a ceremony last before it is considered a solemn event? Is a one hour graduation ceremony really and less reverent and significant to a student body of less than a hundred students? I'm a teacher and it delights me to see my students graduate, especially knowing the trials and tribulations of some of the students that I have had the privilege to teach, but come on, three hours?

I'm not sure which was worse, the 20 minutes it took for each of the 80 some students to file into the gym-step, hold, hold, hold, step, hold, hold, hold, step... (you get the picture?) Or, was it the 25 minute long key speech that no one could here. I'm going to give the speaker the benefit of the doubt and assume he had some really wonderful words of wisdom that he was sharing, but with only being able to hear one string of words every two minutes, the effect was of listening to a drunken old man telling a story about back in his day when he is just at the edge of passing out. "You kids, murmur, grumble, mumble, blah, blah, blah, blah, mumble, grunt, snort, blah, blah, and another thing. blah, blah, blah...." (again, getting the picture) Or, maybe it half hour listing of every single scholarship the students received, or ...I don't know the back of my black cap had become exceedingly interesting at this point and I don't really know what happened after that.

2. Parents need to stop enabling failure in their kids. When a teacher calls up a parent and says, "your child is not performing and if this continues they will not be able to graduate." The parent ought to be asking how they can help. I have student trying to give me every excuse in the book for their child.

"If he's tired let him sleep all day. "

"He's hungry, let him leave in the middle of class and go to McDonald's he'll work better. "

"I thought your program is self-paced, so why are you picking on my daughter?"

Yes, mam, my program is self-paced, but that does require a pace and not stagnation. If your student sits six months in the program and is no closer to graduation than they were six months ago how do you think that is going to help them graduate. Showing your student that if they need to complete forty-four credits to graduate and they get only one every six months it will take them 22 years to meet those requirements hardly constitutes picking on a student. Unless, objective mathematical proofs have suddenly become offensive.

Okay, enough venting. Now for the good stuff. The picture of the tough guy above. That's Daddy's Boy, sorry Mom. I probably shouldn't let it inflate my ego, but in a room full of people, including Mom, Baby Boy needs to know where I'm at and needs to be held by me. Sometimes his zeal to hang out with Dad is a challenge, like when I'm trying to cook. If I'm standing in the kitchen, he has his arms wrapped around my leg and his head is tilted back and he cries until I pick him up. I usually try to carry him over to Mom, so she can hold him and I can get back to cooking, but he drops right out of her lap and comes back to me. It's not easy getting the meals done, but I love it and wouldn't want to change it.

We got to go to the zoo again last weekend. Baby Boy got to hang out with his cousins, Trey and The Princess. Trey is 6 months older, and is going to have the nickname whether my sister and her hubby like it or not, my father will see to it. The Princess is five and is going to be called that in this blog, because she loves her Disney princesses. The boys rode in Baby Boy's wagon throughout the trip and got along well. The Princess was a big girl and walked almost the whole way. The only time she didn't was when I asked her to keep an eye on her baby cousin. She only conceded to ride in the wagon as a favor to Baby Boy. I think the highlight of the trip was the butterfly exhibit. The zoo has a wonderful exhibit filled with butterflies. Trey tried climbing everything and anything that brought him closer to the butterflies. Baby Boy was most interested in digging in the dirt around the vegetation. The Princess showed remarkable patience and held still until a butterfly landed on her. She wasn't about to leave until one did.

A Kiss For Your Thoughts

I don't get a chance to update this site as much as I would like, because I have a commitment to doing a daily update at step-family talk and I usually can't get any more than that post written before work starts. I am enjoying writing for the site as it gives me much of the same opportunities that this site offers. I get to write about being a father. I'm still trying to find my feet over there. I've been trying to figure out how I'm going to write five posts a week about step-parenting.

I've been doing lots of reading on the subject and the sad fact is, there isn't much advice out there. Truly I could some up almost all of it very quickly: The bioparent should do the disciplining, don't push to have your stepchildren call you mom or dad, establish a good relationhip as a friend and mentor-especially if they are older, authority can be earned, but only after a good deal of time, it takes time for children to come to terms with their bioparents separation, make your relationship with your spouse the first priority. OR...love your spouse, love your kids, and give everything lots of time. All of the advice and papers out there are just variations of when I listed above.

How many ways can you rewrite the above information? So, I started yesterday with what really amounts to a reflective journal that will hopefully become a year in the life of a stepdad. I think I and anyone that actually reads the posts will learn more by experience and reflection than by re-reading the same old regurgitated advice.

So, what does the above picture have to do with this post? I just like the picture. It was taken by Big Sis and it shows how much she loves her brother. And, I like Baby Boy's pose. I love how he isn't looking directly at the camera. He looks as if he is okay with the kiss, but there are more important things to be thinking about. And, it shows off his dimples.

Big Sis, her friend, Baby Boy and I got to go to the zoo this weekend. Mom had to work. It was about 92 degrees and very humid, but it didn't stop anyone from enjoying the day.

We are fortunate to have the zoo so close. I bought a year pass, so that whenever I'm not sure what to do on the weekend I can always head to the zoo and not worry about the cost.

I was worried about staying for too long as the sun was quite relentless and I didn't want babyboy burning. I covered him with a kids spf 50 sunblock and applied it every hour. It seemed to work just fine, as long as I can get him to keep his hat on.

I'm not sure which animal was his favorite. He particularly liked the bears, even though they were off in the far distance. I think he recognized them from "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?"

Off To Day Care

It's hard to believe that Baby Boy is going to be in day care. For the first year of his life he has been at home with Mom during the day. But, Mom started a new job this week and for the time being Baby Boy has to go to the center. He handled it like a champ, much better than I did.

Mom and I have struggled to make ends meet, so that he could have a stay at home parent. Mom and both agree that the best thing we can give Baby Boy is a parent at home. But, Mom is ready to return to the work world.

Despite the recession here in Michigan, Mom found a job fairly quick and she is excited to be back in the adult world. We are hoping that Baby Boy's ventures into the world of day care is only a short trip and I will soon be able to be the stay at home parent. We can't do it at the moment because all of our benefits are wrapped up in my job. But soon I may have much more hands on experience in the world of parenting. Being a stay at home dad may be a little non-traditional, but look at the little guy, how could I pass up an opportunity to watch him grow and learn full time?

A Return to Civilization

I am happy to announce that I returned to the home with both kids. I must be honest, before I left for the vacation I half expected that I would need to leave Big Sis UpNorth in order to preserve sanity. But, beyond my wildest hopes, the weekend went really well. Big Sis and I got along splendidly. We managed a four hour car ride up, we spent several hours fishing in a tiny boat, many more hours on the car ride home and did so without argument.

There were a couple of discipline issue that were difficult for me to turn aside, but I managed. The important thing for the weekend was to develop a friendship and not establish my authority. There were many topics brought up that instantly tripped one of my prerecorded lectures, but I prevented them from playing anywhere other than inside my head.

I was able to see the results of this weekend almost immediately. When Big Sis, Baby Boy and I returned home it didn't take long before Big Sis wanted to go on the computer and from there is was only a matter of time before Mom asked Big Sis to turn it off. Boom! The powder keg is ignited. Mom and Big Sis are at it, Big Sis doesn't get what she wants and throws the "Why" machine into high gear followed by many an "I hate you" and "Worst mother ever."

I stepped outside and did my best to not step in on mom's behalf. It is really hard for me to let the discipline fall on her shoulders, but now is not the time to be the disciplinarian with Big Sis. Here is the great thing that happened. Big Sis usually requires a long, calming period before she is willing to talk with anyone during these episodes. This time, she was willing to talk with me and separate me from the argument between her and Mom. I let her vent, and held off on my opinions. She currently thinks she is living under the most unbelievable strict rules and has the worst parents ever. She constantly asks to live somewhere else, though she knows she can't. But, her solution was different this time. Instead of talking about her leaving her suggestion was that Mom leaves.

It would be easy to read more into this than is really there. We have not come so far in this short time to be able to conclude that she accepts me as the parent and that she would be willing to live under my house and rules. I am pretty sure, that she didn't carry out what would be the real consequences of having her mother move out. But, I do believe that it shows she is separating me from the mean authoritarian she once saw me as and is able to separate me from the argument and her emotional reaction to the house rules.

How To Recognize a Michigander By Their Speech

This weekend I will be taking Big Sis and Baby Boy "UpNorth". Any Michigander hearing that would get a mental image of large expanses of woods, water, and a scent of the great outdoors. "UpNorth" is as much a part of our local idiomatic expressions as: pop, lake effect, the thumb, the bridge, and opening day (refers to the first day of deer season not baseball).

(By the way if you live in Michigan you are a Michigander, not a Michiganer, Michiganite, or a Michiganian. A Michiganian refers to an alumni of U of M. Michigander was the demonym given to us by Abraham Lincoln when he was running for presidency against Lewis Cass, the governor of the Michigan territory.)

After a bit of a tangent, I will get to the point of this post. I had planned on having a barbecue this weekend for Memorial Day and hang out at home for the weekend--Mom has to work. But, Big Sis heard me mention that my mother and sister were heading UpNorth this weekend. Big Sis said she wanted to go too.

My first inclination was to say "no", because I had already made plans for the barbecue. But, then I realized that Big Sis was wanting to spend time with the family and I needed to take advantage of such opportunities. As I mentioned earlier, for the last couple of years I have taken the "Lay down the law" approach with her and she has been resistant to my authority. One of the main reasons for this is I haven't developed a bond of trust with her. How can she be expected to believe me when I tell her she needs to do something she doesn't want to do because it will be good for her, if I haven't given her a reason to trust that I have her best interest in mind?

It is for this reason that we will be heading UpNorth this weekend. I have been trying to prepare myself mentally. I have spent the last two years expecting certain behaviors from her, and I am quick to notice them. This weekend, I need to hold my tongue, unless something she is doing could bring her or somebody else harm. The weekend is all about getting along. This is often easier said than done.